If Not for Your Brother, Then for Me
by 2nd-chanced
Summary: After Dean tells Sam that he tricked him into letting an angel possess him, he becomes so overrun with guilt that he wants to end it all. Cas tells him to stay for Sam, that he will be forgiven eventually. But what if that's not enough to keep Dean from suicide? What will Cas do if he can't convince Dean to keep living for Sam? WARNING: thoughts of suicide
1. Chapter 1

Castiel watched the exchange between Dean and Sam on the bridge. He saw the anger burning in Sam's eyes, just as he saw the guilt and despair in Dean's. He knew it would take longer for them to recover from this, and he supposed he understood why considering that Dean tricked Sam into letting an angel possess him. Dean knew it too, and Castiel could practically feel his former charge's heart drop from the increasing guilt.

Something changed slightly in Dean when Sam tried to blame Kevin's death on himself. It was barely noticeable, but Cas saw it. Going against his new-found morals on privacy, and also Dean's wishes, he peered into his friend's mind. What he saw in Dean's mind was horrifying, as were his words aloud that he was poison and needed to find and kill Gadreel on his own. When Dean began to walk off after Sam dismissed him, Castiel followed him all the way to the Impala.

Turning around, Dean noticed Cas standing there. "Cas, you have to stay with Sam in order to heal him. I don't like separating, either, especially after all of the times I had to send you away, but you have to stay." There was a slight rush of desperation in his voice, but Cas wasn't coming along with him. He just needed to talk, out of Sam's earshot.

"Dean, I understand why you think you need to leave. Bad things have happened around you, but that is not all on you. You are not poison, and you do not shorten the lifespan of those around you. Don't listen to Crowley. This is not your fault; Kevin is not your fault." When Castiel's words seemed to fall on deaf ears, he became desperate, and spoke aloud what he was trying to avoid. "Please, don't do this Dean. I know everything seems bad right now with the world and Sam right now, but he will forgive you. Don't leave him, you're the only family he has left. Please." The last word was barely a whisper, but Dean caught it loud and clear.

He didn't speak, but nodded his head slowly. Cas could see that he had put the thought out of his mind for the moment, and it was enough. Not wanting to make Sam suspicious, or to delay their getting out of the rain any longer, he quickly gave the man before him a tight hug and walked back towards Sam. Had he turned around, he would have noticed the tear that slipped from Dean's eye before he slid into the Impala.


	2. Chapter 2

**Forgot to put it in the first chapter, but here is the Disclaimer. I do not own Supernatural or any characters, but this interpretation is all my own. **

Castiel called Dean nearly every other day after the bridge incident. It put Castiel at ease just hearing Dean's voice and his breathing, and he knew it made Dean feel better knowing that he cared and that Sam was improving with each call.

At some point, the calls stopped being made because Cas was worried that Dean would try to end his life, but he continued calling him because it made him feel comforted with not being able to be there for Dean physically. He stopped updating on Sam once he was fully recovered; he didn't even tell Dean when Sam had finally went out on a case. Which, as it turns out, was not a good idea.

When Sam and Dean first ran into each other when working Garth's case and decided to work it out together, things looked like they may start to look up. Maybe this was what they needed, because working cases together always seemed to bring the brothers closer together, Castiel thought. Dean actually started calling Cas, telling him about his concerns about the werewolf pack and Garth. After they would hang up, Cas would think to himself that everything would be alright again.

That is, until Sam came back to the bunker. Without Dean. When Castiel asked, Sam said that he was still mad, but had offered to work as partners with Dean. Dean refused, though, so he came back alone. As soon as Castiel heard this, he practically ran to his room where his phone was on the charger. He called five times before Dean finally answered. He was drunk and possibly crying, and it frightened Cas to the point of shedding his own silent tears.

"Hey, Cas. I, uh, I can't do it anymore. I know you Sam would forgive me in time, but I don't think so. Not this time. You didn't see how he looked at me the entire time we worked that case; it was almost like he was afraid to turn his back to me. He resents me, Cas, and I just can't deal with that. He said we couldn't be brothers anymore, not if we wanted to work together. So I told him to go, so I can die his brother and not just his untrustworthy partner." There was so much pain in his voice that Cas could actually feel it through the phone. He wanted to beg Dean, to say anything, but he knew he wouldn't listen; at least, not over the phone.

So he said the only thing he could. "Dean, tell me where you are. I need to tell you something, and I don't want the last thing you hear me say to come from a phone line." Dean told him he was at a hotel only thirty miles from the bunker, and he would only wait until midnight. Then he hung up, leaving a stunned Castiel frozen with fear.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam barely had time to register that Cas was in the dining area with him before he felt a sudden sharp pain across his face. When he looked up, Cas was already across the room and gathering his things and the car keys.

"What the Hell, Cas! What was that for?" When Cas turned to look at him, Sam saw the look of hurt on his face and the tear streaks down his face. Being that Cas was an angel again, such strong emotion coming from him was surprising and unsettling all at once. What happened that could get him so upset?

Cas just shook his head at Sam, then turned to make for the main entrance to leave. But Sam, being faster and much bigger than Castiel, blocked his path. "What is wrong, Cas? First, you come in here and randomly punch me. Then when I look at you, you're crying and miserable looking. Now tell me, or you aren't going anywhere."

The way Cas looked at him could have been classified as murderous for a second, before tears formed again in his eyes and he broke down. "I-it's d-Dean. He, he, I just have to go to him. He's 30 miles away in some hotel, and I have to be there before midnight or, or else…" At this point, Cas could no longer speak because his throat had closed up from crying. He simply began to just push at Sam in order to emphasize his urgency.

Realization came over Sam quickly, Castiel saw it in his face. He stepped out of Cas' way, but grabbed the keys. When Cas was about to protest, he cut him off. "I know, but I'm driving. Just tell me where we're going." They were out the door within seconds and heading towards the motel where Dean was waiting.

…..

As soon as they arrived at the motel, before the car even stopped, Castiel was out of the car and at Dean's room number. He knocked quietly on the door, trying not to startle Dean into anything rash. When Dean opened the door, Cas threw himself at the other man. He hugged him back into the room, then quickly shut and locked the door. He knew Sam would be pounding on in it no time at all to be let in, but it didn't matter. Cas knew Sam wouldn't be able to talk Dean off of the ledge, so he was going to do this alone.

After the door lock clicked, Cas turned to face Dean. He looked awful, and it scared Cas. How had he let this happen? He never should have let Dean leave. He went to speak, but Dean beat him to the words.

"Cas, man, I know you think you can save me, but you just can't. And I'm sorry, so sorry that I'm too broken for you to fix, but maybe things will be better after this." He averted his eyes away from Cas, unable to keep his ashamed eyes at level with his best friend's. "For what it's worth, though, I want you to know that I'm glad you're here, that you're the last face I get to see before it all ends."

Cas had had enough. He lunged himself at Dean once again, although this time he didn't embrace the other man. No, instead he knocked him backwards and onto the bed, where he pinned Dean down and just started hitting him. One, two hits to the face, then some to his shoulders and arms, before he ultimately ended up uselessly beating his fists against Dean's chest. Dean let Cas hit him, possibly thinking that his friend would end his life for him. That is, until Cas began to cry again and slumped forward into Dean's shoulder. To say Dean was shocked at the emotion was an understatement. He knew Castiel cared - they shared a profound bond, after all - but he had no idea that, as an angel, he was even capable of such great emotion. Recovering quickly, Dean lightly wrapped his arms around to try and comfort his friend as he knew he should. This was his fault, after all, just like everything else was.

After a minute, Dean began to hear Cas speaking to him from his shoulder. "Don't you understand, Dean? I don't care if you think you're too broken, I will always be here to help fix you. I will always be here for you, period. Damnit, Dean, I raised you from Perdition. We bonded through that." Cas sat up as his voice began to rise at Dean. "I, I rebelled for you. I Fell for you, died for you countless times, Hell I even betrayed you because I thought that was what was best for you. Everything I have done since the moment my Grace burned my handprint into your skin, has been for you! And you think I'm just going to let you kill yourself? I know Sam is mad and you feel alone, but you are never alone. I was there when he let you go! Hell, I'm still here for you. Why, you ask? Because you are worth it, and because I…" Castiel shook his head, wiped his eyes and got off of Dean.

Dean watched as Cas paced the room, unsure of what to think or say. He didn't want to hurt Cas or Sam, in fact by doing this he should be protecting them. Didn't he see that? He went to speak, but Cas came back and covered his mouth with his hand.

"Shut up. I know you are trying to protect us, but guess what? Just because you die, that doesn't mean that Sam or I can't. See this?" He pulled out his Angel Blade. "This can still hurt me, even if you're not here. It will too, I promise you that. If you leave, then I will too. Sam will never make it in here before it is done with. I care about him as I used to for all of my brothers in Heaven, but I can't live without you Dean. You are the whole reason that I was created, died, and then recreated. So please stay. Stay for the possibility of Sam's forgiveness, for all of the times you have actually protected him. And if not for your brother, then for me. Stay for me Dean."

All was quiet for a while after Castiel stopped. It was even quiet outside, where Sam should be trying to break the door down to get to them. Dean just stared at Cas for a while, going over his words again and again. Cas had long since removed his hand from Dean's mouth, and was now sitting in the chair across the room. Dean, decision finally made, got up and walked across the room and pulled Cas up and into a hug. When he pulled back, there was just one thing he needed answered. "Cas, when you said you were still here for me, you didn't finish saying why. Why, Cas? I need to know."

Giving a small smile, Cas quietly replied. Dean couldn't hear him. "What did you say?"

"I said it's because I love you. Because, I'm _in love_ with you." Dean smiled in return this time, the first smile Cas had seen on him in months. The former leaned back into the other, but instead of embracing Castiel, he lightly moved their lips together. It was perfect for them, and just what Dean needed to make that final step away from the ledge. He was going to stay. He would stay for Sam, but mostly Castiel. For in this movement, as he kissed his angel and Cas kissed him in return, he finally found his whole reason to live.

"I love you too, my Castiel."


	4. Chapter 3- Sam's POV

**I wanted to do that last chapter from Sam's POV, along with the original chapter. It's not as good, so I am sorry about that. **

Sam nearly wrecked the car when Cas had gotten out before he could stop completely. He quickly found a parking spot and then got out to follow to Dean's room. He didn't see Castiel, which meant he was probably already there and maybe even inside. That was good, at least he could make sure Dean was alright before Sam got to him.

He was going to pummel Dean. First, he breaks his trust by tricking him into accepting the angel that later killed Kevin, and now he was going to leave him all alone. Sam had no one else; he knew he wouldn't even have Cas if Dean managed to succeed in ganking himself. And sure, Sam was furious with Dean and may not forgive him for a long while, but this still was no way to treat family after all they've been through together. He stilled loved his brother, even if he had said that they couldn't be that way if they were to work together.

He guesses he may be just as mad at himself as he is at Dean by the time he reaches the door to the motel room. When he reaches for the handle, though, he finds that it is locked. It remains closed even after he knocks. He hears loud pained noises and he panics, thinking something bad may be happening and they can't hear him knocking, so he begins to pound on the door. He only stops when he hears Cas' voice start to rise.

He listens in on their conversation, ready to burst into the room at any moment should he need to. Eventually, though, he just sits on the ground against the door. He is both physically and emotionally exhausted. Hearing Cas tell Dean that he would kill himself if Dean died was so heartbreaking, and any anger Sam had felt just washed away as the exhausted sadness took its place. He just hoped that Dean would stay alive for Cas. He knew he just wasn't going to be enough anymore.

The room went quiet for a while, and then Sam heard the shuffling of feet. After a minute or so he heard Dean ask Cas why he stays by his side, and after Dean asks again he hears Cas say that he loves him. At those words, Sam gave a contented sigh and relaxed against the door. He knew Dean was going to stick around now, because he had his angel and his angel loved him. Dean was going to be happy, and that made Sam smile for his brother.

Because, above all else, Sam realized now that he finally wanted Dean to just be happy.


End file.
